he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
