People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
