I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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