tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
