oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
