all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
