friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
