just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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