Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
