Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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