I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
