I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
