Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
