areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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