I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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