Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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