you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
