mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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