Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
