69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
