Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
