My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
