hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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