My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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