hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Sober January is a disaster.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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