I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
