It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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