Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have feelings that need drinking.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
