if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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