how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
