it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
