He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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