somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
