no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
