hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
