I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
