That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
