Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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