Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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