you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
