he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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