Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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