Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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