My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
