So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
