dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
