the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
