I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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