Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize