is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I need water and some morals
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
