I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
